The Dooms Day Diary Entry

During class, our teacher called us down and she started to read a book to us, it was called The Anzac Violin by Jennifer beck and Illustrated by Robyn Belton. This book was about a man who carried a violin almost everywhere he went during the war, and he would play to the men at night in there cabins and they all loved it, it also was a diary entry about his experience and how he felt. We were given a task to write a better diary entry about a certain moment in the book and we had to create a better version, we used an attributes chart that had what we heard, saw, the location, temperature and movement, we described everything and then wrote a paragraph we could only use 6 full stops. This task I found tricky but I enjoyed it because I love descriptive writing and I like creating sad yet descriptive story's. Here is my writing please leave a comment on what you enjoyed and what I could do better.

  

The man beside me was screaming in pain, I tried to tune it out, then slowly I heard him take his last breath and he died right beside me, the thought of my life ending at this very moment scared me what would happen to me and what about the violin, I tried to stay calm and relax but it is very hard to when you don’t know if your life is about to end or not. It was still daylight and If I popped up I would be killed instantly. I was in agonising pain and my leg was throbbing, but I had to stay low. I was lying in my own blood coloured snow, I hoped that nobody spotted it and I didn’t get found, I just had to wait it out till sundown. I heard the sound of bullets whirring past me and the bombs were getting closer and closer, Then I could hear snow rustling about and I could hear people on the other side crawling and coming closer, I was going to risk my own life but didn’t care I screamed out to one of the guys on my left. They are coming from the right, fire at the ready. Later that night it was dark and gloomy, and I started scuttling through the snow, I shuffled around dead bodies and hurt comrades, the thought that all these mean had normal wonderful lives and know their time is over. when I finally made it to one of the shell holes, I slumped down into it and I was dealt to immediately, this day I would never forget.